How to Empower Yourself when Feeling Hopeless

Married at 18, divorced at 20, she didn't have any hope for a bright future. The stigma of divorce was too painful to bear, especially because it was the first in her family. Heartbroken, emotionally scarred, with no self esteem left (there were instances of physical abuse in marriage), she could barely push herself to get out of bed each morning.

And then, one fine day, a close relative offered her a job at kindergarten school. She thought to herself, maybe the hustle bustle of kids will keep her mind off her problems, and yes it could be an opportunity to contribute and learn to stand for herself, which she never learnt considering her early marriage. So on an impulse, she took up the job. As days passed, she began to feel alive once again. And gradually her world began to change for the better. One thing led to another, working on the job, she managed to complete her education and do some self improvement courses too. Working as an airhostess was always a dream, so she began applying for the job. And after few rejections (which didn't deter her now!), she finally bagged a post in an International Air Line. With new hopes and dreams, she flew high.

What made her come out of her gloom? what makes us, bounce back and rise up? what motivates us to move ahead despite some falls or wrong turns?

There are 3 mind shifts that can help us empower our selves and renew our spirit of life.

• NO success or failure is the ultimate.

Every success or failure enriches our learning. We are work in progress till our last breath. We cannot let a life event define us, or stop our ability to change and improve.

Prophet Yusuf (as) was thrown in the well by his brothers, sold as a slave by his rescuers, tempted to commit adultery by his master’s wife, put in the prison despite being innocent, and Subhanallah we see that he comes out winner at the end. Every negative life event was dealt with patience and trust in Allah. Every test became an opportunity for him to be thankful to His Lord.

• It begins with you. Allah’s says in Surah Rad, “ Allah does not change the condition of people, till they don’t change something in themselves.”

We can paly the blame game and put the responsibility of our misfortune on others. Our childhood, our parents, school, teachers, marriage etc. But this does not take us far, it brings no improvement in our life. On the other hand, if we look within ourselves, focus on our growth, nurture our potentials that Allah az wa jal has blessed us with, then we may begin to experience joy in the process of growth and change.

• The opportunity to contribute, to give back to society, has the power to revive our depleting will power.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If the Resurrection were established upon one of you while he has in his hand a sapling, then let him plant it.” (Source: Musnad Aḥmad 12491)

Let us take a pause, and reflect on this profound Hadith. When the whole world is falling apart around us, when we know it is surely the end of life, (cause it is the Day of Qiyamah) Prophet’s advices is, to plant the sapling which is in our hands.

“Why?” For whom?”

The answer is, for ourselves. If we want to increase our good deeds (the ticket to the entry to Jannah, with the mercy of Allah) then we need not worry about those impertinent questions of the rational part of our brain. Helping others to help ourselves is a beautiful motto to live by. And SubhanAllah the opportunity to do a good deed is everywhere for us to spot.

There is evidence to show that helping others it can promote physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness, improve our support networks and encourage us to be more active which in turn can improve our self-esteem.

When we work on ourselves, help others to seek Allah’s help for ourselves, and let no particular life event deter us from our path, then Insha Allah, we will meet our Creator with faces bright on the Day of Judgement. And that is the ultimate success.