How To Save Yourself From The Ugliness of Conflicts In Marriage
Was that me?
Trembling with rage, tears rolling down my cheeks, with words stuck in my throat, I gave a scream of frustration walked out of the room banging the door behind me…ya Allah, help me.
“How can he say that? How can he think of me in such a disgusting manner, Me, his wife….I loved him, gave him my best, and he thinks this…..God, I can really throttle his neck with my bare hands”.
Have you ever wondered how someone can make you so mad? Make you behave in such a wild manner, harboring such dangerous frightening unIslamic thoughts? That you question yourself, “Was that me? Surely that’s so uncharacteristic of me, unreal to my calm patient nature? “
Well, that’s the work of shaytan, who is most happy when he succeeds in making a couple fight in the worst possible way. Shaytan who is invisible, whose goal is to take as many believers as possible, into Jahannum. And who is our open enemy.
So beware. Don’t give in to his plans. How do you do that? Here are few ways…
# Save yourself and your family, by seeking refuge in Allah, Al Hafeez.
# Remember to recite Duas of protection as part of daily Azkar.
# Recite them during a conflict, When you realize things are getting out of hand. This lets you deliberately take your mind off the fight, and let your tongue utter the words of Allah.
# Retreat back. That’s not a sign of cowardice but an intelligent strategic move. Allah says, in chapter 8:15–16
“ O you who have believed, when you meet those who disbelieve advancing [for battle], do not turn to them your backs [in flight].
And whoever turns his back to them on such a day, UNLESS swerving [as a strategy] for war”…….
# Remember it’s better to lose a battle and win the war. ( the war against shaytan’s attack on your family) so don’t keep scores.
# Learn to manage your emotions. E motions….as the word suggests, drive you towards motion or actions. Let that drive be towards positivity.
Understand the wisdom Behind the Prophet’s advice to sit, lie down, or drink water during the heat of anger. Do it, follow his advice.
# visualize the good beautiful loving moments spend with him, ( maybe from the honeymoon period) it will bring a smile to your face, and a smile is contagious. Probably your spouse will ask angrily, what’s funny?… Be truthful. Reminisce the sweet moment together.
# When the difficult moment is passed, discuss the issue in a healthy fashion. Work together towards seeking resolution.
# Trust Allah, no problem is bereft of solution. When both the partners put their minds together, Insha Allah a Win-win solution can be materialized.
Be authentic, true to yourself, true to the pure fitra that Allah has created us on. In a fit of rage do not put on an ugly mask to hurt yourself and your marriage. Patience, love, and wisdom can save the day, and let you succeed in building a relationship that will benefit your Deen and Duniya.
