What Do You Do When You Want To Kick Yourself
I was fully prepared and so charged up to give my webinar yesterday. I did a pre-testing too and was confident that this time Insha Allah I will nail it. The session was fabulous, the participants enjoyed it tremendously, and offered thankful words of appreciation at the end of it. Many requested that I send them the recorded copy later so that they could forward it to their family and friends. I was on the moon, Alhamdulillah. Finally, this webinar will be up on my YouTube channel. Or so I thought.
As I was about to leave at the end of the meeting, I noticed that the message of the video being recorded did not show up on the screen. “Oh no, no, it's not possible. Please don't tell me it did not get recorded”. Heart racing in anticipation of disaster, I scrolled the screen up and down, clicking my mouse over all the icons. Muttering under my breath words which I am scared to utter loudly, I kept checking everywhere for it on my laptop, for the next twenty minutes. “it had to be there, it had to be somewhere. This is an automated machine. It cannot make a mistake.” The C- drive, The D- drive, the waste bin, the junk folder. But alas! it was not to be found. I googled to seek the answer…..and gradually it dawned on me, it did not get recorded, which means I goofed up and did not press the record button. 😢
I could kick myself if I could. (Can anyone do this? Kick themselves? for I would love to learn this acrobatic act). It seemed surreal. How could I do this mistake? I am not naive or an amateur. I took a deep breath. Maybe Allah The All-Knowing has plans for something better for me? Maybe this was not to be my best webinar? “Ok, I said to myself, “this is not the end, I could record it again. Another attempt which would be much better? Hmm, so that's that. Let's get back to doing something else. Let's not overthink it. Waheeda, accept it. That is the Qadr of Allah”. By now, a slight headache was creeping on. Trying to be positive is not easy, it can churn your brain in so many loops. Before my dull headache could worsen, I step out of the house, breathing in the fresh air of optimism and positivity.
In life, anything can happen. Plans can go haywire, expectations can turn to disappointment, dreams and aspirations can collapse around you in no time, at all. The tsunami of Covid-19 is stellar proof and a ghastly reminder of it. You can either grumble and cry and complain and look out to blame someone for it,( now that can be so satisfying, isn't it? better than blaming yourself, I mean) OR grow up, move on, taking the failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. I chose to do the latter.
Soon it was time for prayers, and as I prayed I realized “ oh my Lord, I did not say the dua. The dua that must be recited at the first stroke of calamity, big or small, as is taught by Prophet Mohammed (may peace and blessing be upon him). “ Indeed we belong to Allah and indeed to Him is our return.” As I sat with my hands folded and raised, to seek His help, the words of forgiveness trembled on my lips. After I finished with my prayers, my heart skipped a beat. “Is it possible, that now I will somehow be able to find the recorded session? God has his ways to help, you never know”. And so for the next 30 minutes, I was engrossed in repeating the same search.
Sometimes it is hard to perceive ourselves as a failure, isn't it? and so easy to believe that success is easy for us to grab whenever we want. But hoping for a miracle, and floating in the clouds serves no purpose, it is time to wake up and smell the coffee. So do you think I found it? No, I did not. Sad but true. But during all the search I learned so many zoom features that I didn't know earlier. 👍 The saving grace, next time around, my videos are definitely going to be more enhanced.
Some learnings are serendipitous and it happens when it has to happen. Subhanallah. You have to keep your mind open for all the experiences that fall on your lap. Unplanned, unexpected, out of the blue. Absorb it willingly and enrich yourself.
Do not attempt to kick yourself or drown in self-pity. Self-reproach and guilt can bring nothing but despair that will rob you of your self-esteem. What's gone is gone, seize the new day, do not cry over the spilled milk. Of course, the mistakes and errors can be much bigger than a minor recording error, and the loss, much deeper and hurtful, but after the period of grieving, it makes sense to move on. To forgive our misdeeds and be open to learn from our mistakes. To err is human. And our creator is Oft-Forgiving and Al Wahhab,(The one who gives abundantly). Keep your hopes high and trust your Lord to guide you over the pits and falls of life. Aameen.
